Friday, February 28, 2014

b2's travel tips-O-tha'-Day........

-don't stress out
-really, don't stress out
-actually read all the stuff on the airline website
-actually read all the signs at the airport
- instead if complaining of how long the ticketing line is, get your I.d. and credit card ready
-instead of complaining how long the security line is: take off your belt, check your pockets, twice; have your 3-1-1 bag sticking out of the front pouch of your case, ready to be grabbed, drink all of your water, coffee, Bourbon. Etc.; have your I.d. and boarding pass ready; remove any removable straps from your carry on so that they don't get caught in the scanning conveyor; take off your hat and coat; halfway unzip the TSA approved laptop compartment of your carry on; untie your boots and stuff the laces under the tongue; put your phone on vibrate, then put it in your carry-on.
-don't stress out
-check your pockets, again.
-smile at the TSA, its not their fault
-when your stuff comes out if the scanner pick it all up and carry it over to the benches away from the conveyor.
-DO NOT STAND BY THE SCANNER TO PUT YOUR SHOES, COAT, HAT, SCARF, BAG STRAP, BELT, AND CHAKRA BEADS BACK ON!
-don't stress
-when waiting in the jetway for your carry-on, step to the right. When people line up on both sides no one can walk against the flow of departing passengers to get their luggage.
-avoid traveling on Mondays and Fridays at all cost.
-don't book the last flight out if Chicago on Friday night.
-when the last flight out of Chicago is delayed, DO NOT LEAVE THE GATE AREA, NO MATTER WHAT THE GATE ATTENDANT SAYS, when the flight leaves on time the flight attendant will say that he called your name twice.
-when you miss the last flight out of Chicago on Friday night, smile at the gate attendant, even though it's his fault. He will end up being the one who tickets you on Saturday and will make sure you fly through Orlando with a four hour layover, no matter how much you beg and grovel......forget the smile for the gate attendant, you're screwed anyway, might as well smirk at him.
-don't stress
-if you have any questions about these guidelines, do me a favor and take a freaking bus......I don't feel like listening to you gripe when I am trying not to stress.

Here endeth the lesson.......

-b2